MBTI most accurate descriptions

dontbecuteyoufuck:

ESTP: super attractive physically but it’s all downhill from there. never quite know what they’re going to do next but you can probably bet it will be irresponsible. somehow still lovable. 

ESTJ: loud, logical, and get shit done — they are the warrior class of the life rpg. power stats make them unbeatable and if you encounter one, maybe just curl up and forfeit, to save time. 

ESFP: giggly little shits. fun fun fun till her daddy takes the t-bird away. great for lifting your mood, not that great at lifting your credit score. 

ESFJ: too appropriate, totally lacking in awkwardness. they’ll never forget your birthday, which will make you feel like shit when you constantly forget theirs. 

ENTP: excellent companions if you enjoy people who instantly see through all your shit. very clever and very intuitive, you can’t fool them. i suggest you invest in other friends — ones you *can* fool. 

ENTJ: impatient with people who make mistakes, namely, everyone. they’ll respect you if you stand up to them but why do that when you can run away instead. cuddle them and see what happens. i’m curious.

ENFP: too puppy to live. best suited for the profession of musical nanny. not advised for use around an open flame. 

ENFJ: way too charming and capable, maybe they should stop making everyone else look bad. prone to making other people care about stuff they didn’t want to care about. so annoying. 

ISTP: such butts. best suited for an apocalypse scenario, if no such scenario exists, they will create danger because they get bored. don’t encourage them, but don’t discourage them, as reverse psychology works too well.

ISTJ: low drama and low maintenance, best value at this price tier. best suited to actual human existence. least weird, which makes them kinda weird.

ISFP: squishy little darlings you might want to keep in your pocket, but please don’t or they will become forlorn. they notice everything, and it’s unnerving. 

ISFJ: quietly and proudly do things for others. if you have a ring you need to deliver to mordor, take an ISFJ along with you for best results. 

INTP: cute intergalactic spiders you want to hug and mistrust. prone to making you laugh but then days later you will wonder whether you were the butt of the joke. 

INTJ: major dicks and kinda proud of it. prone to being right. prone to liking trance music way too much. all the ones i’ve ever met have been unexpectedly kinky. so i guess, expectedly. 

INFP: they fall out of the sky and are raised by unicorns. if you feed one it will follow you home. they dissipate in water. 

INFJ: chameleons appropriating your emotions and going quietly mad. prone to meltdowns and needing lots of naps.

Anonymous:
Tell a chemistry joke please

bombing:

two chemists walk into a bar. they exchange glances and right away the bartender knows where this is going. one chemist clears his throat and begins to order a “glass of h2o” while the other sits quietly, almost trembling with anticipation. the first chemist completes his order and the second opens his mouth to hit the h2o2 punchline, but before he can, his head explodes in a mass of red.

the first chemist blinks with surprise as blood, brain and skull fragments splatter all over his pristine white coat and the counter. after a stunned moment of silence, a woman screams and all hell breaks loose. the patrons begin knocking one another in a mad dash to the door as the chemists body slumps off the stool and slides to the floor. the first chemist is still too stunned to speak. 

on the roof of the building across the street, the sniper racks the bolt back and sends the spent case flying as another one takes its place. exhaling, he steadies the crosshairs directly on the head of the only chemist still breathing. the bar is empty now, save for the bartender who’s been watching the scene without a word. 

with wide eyes, the chemist raises his head to face the man behind the counter, only to find him staring intently at the window. he too looks behind him to the panes of glass, only to squint as the laser flits across his eyes. 

"it’s nothing personal," says the bartender. 
"strictly business." 

the chemist whirls around just in time to see the him dip his head in a curt nod. across the street, the sniper recognizes the signal and pulls the trigger without a moments hesitation, watching dark red fill his scope for the second time that day. raising his head, he pushes himself out of prone and stretches until he feels his phone vibrate. pulling it out of his pocket, he flips it open. 

"what do you want me to do with them?" 

he walks to the edge and looks down at the broken window of the bar below. 

"barium."

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